Ghosts of the Past
by Wedjatqi
Summary: John and Teyla both have a stressful day in which events from the past revisit them. Inspired by the S5 episode 'Vegas', and also a sequel to 'All I Want for Christmas…'. JT. Post S5. Complete.


**Warnings: **Emotions, established relationship, post S5 – Atlantis still on Earth.

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, and I make no money from this, so on and so forth, only my ideas are mine etc…

**Note1:** I sat down to write a fic inspired by the episode 'Vegas', after having written a review of the episode (which can be found at my livejournal site) and though I had a few good basic plot ideas, I couldn't seem to get anything decent out of them. So for now, I have settled on this fic, though I still have a few plot bunnies for this episode, so may revisit them later. I think my Muse is on holiday again, so any fic I write right now is good!

**Note2:** Also, thank you to everyone who wrote a review to my fic 'Body Swap' and the last chapters of 'Infection'. I have been unable to reply to those reviews, and normally I read and reply to all I can, but the links to respond at FF net aren't working so I'm sorry about that. But, thank you to everyone who enjoyed those fics, every kind word means the world to me and helps inspire me to keep writing.

000000

John had been in many very difficult situations during his career, but most especially in the past six years. A military life was never going to be simple or relaxing, but working in the Pegasus Galaxy had brought John an entirely new understanding of the term 'difficult'. On an almost daily basis, he had to put his life on the line to protect and lead a tiny fighting force against the wrath of literal evil monsters from the sky who wanted to suck the very life-force out of everyone. He had led rescue missions into harsh and unforgiving enemy territory on other planets, and into space itself, in the vain hopes of making some small difference against the overwhelming power of alien forces that could so easily crush all of his people. He had had his mind attacked by Wraith Queens, his consciousness overridden in his own body, had been mutated by a Iratus based retrovirus, had lost his memory almost completely, and had been on the very edge of sacrificing his life on far too many occasions. He had survived all of that, but today was pushing his skills and patience more than ever before.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm the threatening feeling of panic and overwhelming frustration at what life had thrown at him this time.

He just needed to keep his patience and see this through. He repeated this to himself as yet another over-enthusiastic and uncaring shopper barged past him, snapping three of the bags he was carrying around his legs. The woman uttered a faint and clearly unfelt apology as she headed away through the packed women's department of what had to be the tenth store he had been in this afternoon.

On the other side of a large stand of granny style skirts two kids broke into high pitched screams of over excitement. The sound pierced itself through John's closest eardrum, and he winced as the pitch went higher. The kids' mother began shouting at her wayward kids, but the swearing she thought would be effective, was practically lost in the general noise of the store.

John just needed to remain calm, and resist the overwhelming urge just to run for his life. He had dealt with far worse situations. He could handle this.

Another high-pitched scream grated against his nerves as one of the kids began crying loudly when his mother took his plastic toy gun away from him. John wished he had a gun right now.

Wincing at the crying, John increased his pace, as much as he could through the far too tightly packed displays of clothes that filled the store from wall to wall. A large display of coats tried to entangle him as he pushed past a fellow grumpy shopper, and continued on, following along behind Teyla, who in turn pulled along behind her a grizzling Torren.

It had struck John about three hours ago, that he felt like he was married again. He was on a lengthy shopping trip, visiting stores he had no personal interest in visiting, carrying far too bags, and desperately trying not to lose his patience. He was surrounded by far too much humanity, all pressed tightly together and rushing to grab the best bargain in their size before anyone else might see it. Along with the screaming children, people shouting, long queues, terrible background music (when it could be heard) and store after store, and aisle after aisle of shirts, skirts, jackets, pants, coats, shoes and yet more shoes. And the worst part of all this, was that he had actually volunteered for this.

He would take facing up against a Wraith Queen to this ANY day.

There had been a simple choice of outing for those in Atlantis – a long weekend stay in either Las Vegas or New York. Teyla had said she didn't care which one, but John, in his stupid wisdom, had suggested that New York as the better choice if they took Torren with them. He hadn't mentioned the other reason why he hadn't wanted to visit the bright lights of Vegas again, and that niggling fact was yet another raw nerve that fed the bubbling frustration he felt right now.

It had seemed an innocent enough plan, a weekend with Teyla and Torren – normally his favourite way to spend any free time. However, Teyla had begun formulating a list of items she and Torren required, and since the boy had been going through a major growth spurt these last couple of weeks, what seemed like an entire wardrobe of new clothes had begun to form on that piece of paper. The list had then gone onto things for others in Atlantis. He had no idea why she had ended up with the long shopping list for various other people and why they had to all be gotten today, but he had nodded along. Stupid John.

He hadn't minded at first, because yesterday had been fun. He had taken them both around New York, doing the proper tourist thing, showing them the famous exciting sights of the Big Apple. However, Torren had gotten a little overexcited yesterday and the constant sounds of the city all last night had kept him awake. A broken night for Torren meant that John and Teyla had barely gotten any sleep themselves. John had felt tired and grouchy at breakfast, and that was hours ago before they had started their daylong shopping trip to Hell.

They had started off easy enough visiting a range of stores, gradually accumulating the large array of bags that they had had to drop back at the hotel. Then they had started on Torren's new wardrobe, and it had been hell since then. The kid had enjoyed the attention and the power in being able to choose his own clothes out of such a huge range. However, his own little shopping spree over, and the afternoon stretching out, Torren was clearly now bored and grumpy, and likely as tired as John felt. Teyla still had much to get on her list and though she had suggested John could do some shopping separately, he had stayed with her, knowing the bags were increasing in number again and she needed someone to help keep an eye on Torren in the busy stores. He had tried not to resent her for that, which was stupid because she had offered him an out, but after what had to be ten stores since lunch, he was getting frustrated and irritated at the whole thing. If they had gone to Vegas, at least he could be making some money out of the trip.

Except, he knew where that might lead him.

Another shopper shoulder barged him, and he again had the overwhelming urge to shove the person back, and then just walk out of the store, out of the mall, and into the far distance, away from all these people, the pressure Teyla's trip was placing on him, and the demands of the overflowing shopping list.

A Wraith attack right now would be a really great distraction.

00000

As much as she appreciated the massive amount of clothing and items available for trade in the city of New York, Teyla was feeling ready to run away from it all. She longed to be able to just step away from the ever-present noise and activity of the city and the mall. It seemed that everyone wished to beat everyone else to everything, and that everyone was in everyone else's way here.

John had warned her that big cities in his homeland could be this way, especially at the 'weekend', however she had not truly appreciated how busy one place could be. She suspected that there were more people in this mall currently than had ever inhabited a settlement she had visited back home. Settlements in Pegasus just did not reach such a size whilst under the ever-present eye of the Wraith.

Trading markets back in Pegasus tended to be occasions to find new trading opportunities and to enjoy friendly competition to purchase an item, but here, there was a ruthlessness to the traders. Or 'shoppers' she should call them.

She had visited Earth cities before during Atlantis' continuing stay. She had spent one particularly enjoyable visit to San Francisco with John, which had been one of the most enjoyable and relaxing trips she had ever taken. However, this trip was far from that amazing, and life changing, experience that San Francisco had provided. It was lovely to see the famous sights of this city yesterday, but the large numbers of people and the general noise and bustle of so many people had begun to get to her. And Torren.

He had been making grumbling noises for the past half an hour now, ever since she had had to tell him off for making a scene. He had discovered several other children of a similar age in the food area where she and John managed to find space to sit to eat the fastly made food on sale in the 'court'. Teyla had allowed Torren to play there with the other children, especially since he rarely had contact with other children now, but when the time had arrived to continue shopping away from his newfound playmates, Torren had thrown a tantrum. It had been very unlike him and was a clear sign that his reduced sleep from last night, the noise, and overstimulation of the city was getting to him. She had had to take him to one side and reprimand him, something she rarely ever had to do with her son. Her stern words had been met with sulky tears and a heavy pout, and though her heart ached to see his distress, it was important that he learn that such dramatic tantrums were not how to behave.

It had also been the first time she had had to deal with Torren like that in a public setting. He was normally a very well behaved child, but he was reaching an age now, when he was challenging her, and that made it challenging for her too. She had felt a wash of embarrassment to see so many people look round at Torren, some with disapproving frowns and smirks, though many also had understanding looks. The only consolation for her was that many children in the mall throughout the day had also been throwing tantrums, and she had seen examples of very poor parenting, so she made sure to keep her own patience, and deal with Torren as the individual, yet unhappy grumpy boy he was. There was no need to insult him or shout at him as many parents in the food court did towards their children. She had been grateful that John had been present to keep hold of their purchases and turn his back to the rest of the bustling mall to create a small space for her to talk with Torren. Though, she had felt some embarrassment that John had to see her and Torren in such a state, but then they had all seen each other at their worst.

The tantrum over and the shopping renewed, they had finally completed the items on the list, except those few things she needed for herself. She struggled again with the impulse to just forget her own requirements and give up on the shopping now. It had been a long enough day. Yet, she did need these items. She desperately needed warmer clothing for the upcoming cool nights sat out on the piers now that the winter months were over. Also, many of her tops were worn or had been 'decorated', as John had referred to it, by Torren when he was younger. She could put off the rest of her shop, but after all her work here, she really wanted to complete the list and get everything she required. Besides, after so much effort, she really would like to be able to purchase something, just one thing at least, for herself. She glanced down at her list and reconsidered some of it. The new underwear, smart outfit for meetings with the IOA and something new to sleep in could wait, a new sweater and tops were necessary though.

Torren stumbled behind her and she stopped, looking back and down at him, only to see that he was still sulking and pouting, refusing to look up at her.

"It will not be much longer, Torren," she told him in an upbeat, patient tone, which was far from her true feelings. If only there were not so many people around, and she was not so warm and carrying several bags on one shoulder. Maybe she should just buy a sweater and forget the tops.

"…umper," Torren muttered behind her.

When they had first arrived in the mall, there had been a small mechanical brightly coloured plane that when you placed a coin in it, a child could sit inside and be jostled around as if the plane were flying. Torren though had referred to the plane as a 'jumper', though John explained the difference. Torren had loved the ride, whatever the plane was called, asking for at least four goes before another child turned up. She had since, through all their shopping, promised that he could have another go on the plane before they left at the end of the day.

"Yes, when we are finished," she replied to him, pausing to let a rather rude shopper push past, causing Torren to plough into the back of her leg.

"I wanna…umper" Torren grumbled against her leg before she moved forward again, weaving around a display of thin sweaters. She scanned everything quickly, looking for the type she wanted, anything close, but these would be too thin against the cold air out on the piers.

"Me too, Buddy," John muttered behind her.

It seemed that John too was growing grumpy and bored with the shopping trip. She had insisted that he go visit the stores he wanted by himself, that he did not have to accompany her and Torren, but he had said no. In some ways, she wished that he would disappear for some time, for his mood was beginning to grate on her already taxed nerves. He had been quieter than usual since this morning, and had had a strange expression since lunchtime. She worried that Torren's tantrum had embarrassed him in front of so many strangers.

"Boo," Torren exclaimed behind her, pulling on her hand.

She stopped and looked back to see that Torren had caught the sleeve of a deep blue jacket. He had for some reason developed a fascination with the colour blue of late, seeking it out wherever he saw it and anything that was blue coloured he wanted. He had chosen many blue coloured clothing earlier and she had even purchased him some blue boots. He had been very happy with them, but it appeared his fascination with the colour was continuing.

"Yes, it is blue, well done," she responded patiently. "You have plenty of new blue clothes now, don't you?"

"Want dis," Torren stated, pulling on the jacket's sleeve.

Teyla took a breath and bent down to him. "You have enough new clothes, Torren," she reminded and already he began grizzling. He was not one to use tears normally, but it seemed that today he was trying out new approaches with her. She suspected now that he had seen the behaviour of the other children in the mall and was testing out the methods for himself.

"Want dis!" Torren exclaimed as he tugged his hand free from hers and grasped the jacket with both hands, tears leaking from both his eyes.

Teyla glanced up, exchanging a look with John, before she crouched down beside Torren.

"Torren," she told him calmly. "That is a lady's tailored jacket, it would not fit you," she told him logically. "Remember all the lovely new clothes you picked out earlier. Once we are back in the hotel room you can try them all on," she suggested as if it would be the most exciting thing to do.

"And you can show your Uncles Rodney and Rodney what've bought tomorrow," John added helpfully, but Torren just dropped his head down, both hands still grasping the jacket. He looked miserable and grumpy. Her heart constricted and she wondered if she should just call an end to the entire shopping trip, but would that be sending the wrong message to her son?

"Torren?" She asked him, waiting for his full attention. "Torren?" He looked up at her, his brown eyes showing a glimmer of rebellion, but sulking remained the overriding emotion. "I need to purchase one or two more items and then we will go to the plane and you can have another ride, and then we will head back to the hotel. I know that you are tired, but I need you to be strong for just a little while longer, please. I need you to be a good boy for me."

Torren considered her words, as around them the bustle of the store continued. Beyond Torren, John shifted his weight and she glanced up to see him looking around at the store as he stood one elbow leant on a display stand. He looked as bored as Torren, and perhaps as grumpy only more skilled at hiding it.

She looked back down at Torren who looked less determined to own the lady's jacket, so she stood and caught up his hand in hers again, tugging on his hand gently as she led the way onwards again.

"Good boy. I think I will just purchase one item then," she considered, feeling tired and stroppy herself now, though keeping it out of her voice.

She paused at an aisle opening and surveyed the tight press of clothing and the rest of the floor ahead, seeking out where the rest of the sweaters would be located.

"Hey, Torren," John said from behind. "How about you and me go for a walk, leave all these crazy sales shoppers some space?"

She turned to see John reach down for Torren. Surprised she watched him pick Torren up high into his free arm.

"Are you sure?" She asked, though secretly grateful that with the two of them away for a short time she would be able to find what she needed more quickly and efficiently.

John adjusted the bags on his free hand, and Torren took his customary handful of John's shirt by way of support. "I could do with a new shirt, I'll take him with me, leave you to get what you need," John offered.

"I will not be long," she promised, smiling at him, and he smiled back, but like her, it was somewhat strained.

"Take your time," John replied, but it was polite and she could tell that he was very ready to see this shopping trip over, though was trying not to show it. "Just stay in this store and I'll find you," he concluded and turned away with Torren.

"Very well," she replied, but the two of them were already heading away through the store.

She felt a little concerned at John's attitude, and at leaving him to deal with her sulky son, and that perhaps her own frayed nerves had been showing. However, she could not help that now, and John's departure with Torren meant that she was now able to move more freely about the displays and would quickly find what she needed. If she was quick enough, she may even have time to find more than just the sweater now.

00000

The men's department wasn't quite as crowded, or rather this area wasn't. Cufflinks and ties weren't the most sought after items on a Sunday afternoon. John had spied the quieter area immediately upon reaching the department, and had pushed his way to it around shoppers and displays. There were far fewer kids around in the men's department, and as expected, the men were moving far more efficiently through the clothing, with none of the long considering pondering that women seemed to need to go through to decide that the top was just right to go with those shoes.

Torren had stopped sulking almost immediately in John's arms, since being so high up had given him a good view of the store around him. John's faster pace had pleased the kid as well, though the tight grip on the back of John's collar was not all that comfortable. When he reached the far corner where the massive display of ties created a swash of bright colour against the dull grey store walls, Torren grumbled at being put down again.

"Hey, look at all the colours, Torren," John pointed out. "See if you can find all the blue ones." Torren took up the challenge instantly, studying the display and pointing out each blue tie with excitement. As he supervised this, John crouched down and began sorting through the bags he was carrying. He wasn't going to carry them all separately any more, and he set about switching items and crammed others into the largest bag. Sure, Teyla might grumble later about ironing or whatever, but at least this way John had just one large bag to deal with that he could slip over his shoulder.

It was strange being out on a rather typical Earth outing with Teyla. In this environment, he saw so clearly the similarities she had with Earth women. Teyla still had to ponder clothes, still had to consider out loud issues with a coat for Torren that would never have crossed John's mind. Why was it important that Torren's boots match his coat? It wasn't like any one on Atlantis was going to think less of Teyla for putting her son in clashing outdoor clothing.

Her determination was damn clear as well though. It was a virtue of hers that he had always admired, though sometimes had felt uncomfortable when it had been directed on him, but today she was determined to get everything on her list. If it had been him, he would have just forgotten some of it, just done the best he could and get the rest another time. No, not Teyla, she had to get everything, because whomever she had promised would expect her to provide whatever it was. He had wanted to ask her why she had even promised to find so much stuff for people when it was supposed to be their long weekend away, but he hadn't. Didn't want to rock the boat, and wasn't that just the way of being in a relationship. He hadn't had to deal with that fact in a long time, and had never really had any issue with that while being with Teyla, until today.

Today, he had felt rather enslaved to her and her list. That she had offered him is own space had only made him slightly resent that he wanted to stick with her. He had subtly suggested over lunch that maybe they could take another city trip in a few months' time so she could get some stuff at a later date, but she had just brushed the suggestion aside. She clearly wanted to get everything she needed and had promised to get. Why Zelenka needed a newly published crime thriller today, and hadn't been able to order it himself was a question John really wanted to ask the man later. And surely Keller could go a little while longer without that specific apricot and passionfruit moisturiser or whatever it was. John had had to inhale far too much sweet flowery crap today for his own sanity. There really wasn't much to entertain a guy when walking around girly shops like that.

His patience was stretched thin, and having to see Torren lose it at lunchtime only made John feel more frustrated. He wished he could throw a tantrum like that, as everyone did as a kid. He had wondered then if perhaps Rodney threw tantrums on Keller sometimes. That thought had made John reflect a little on his own behaviour all day, and though he wasn't complaining out loud like Rodney would, he was certainly feeling all grumpy and childish inside.

He had looked down at Torren in the store determined to own that women's blue jacket while Teyla struggled to remain patient with her son, something John rarely saw in her struggle with. She had all the time in the world for Torren, but she was looking frazzled this afternoon. Her hair was slightly untucked on one side and there was strain to her calm tone as she spoke logically with Torren. Other parents around the store had clearly been pushed far past that point into shouting, but Teyla wouldn't do that. He had wondered though that she must reach that point like all people.

She had promised Torren that their remaining shopping would be quick and that she would only buy one thing for herself, at which point John had decided that he wasn't really helping the situation. Teyla needed to try on some clothes, so that promised the prospect of standing waiting for her with Torren, growing more impatient. So, he had decided to take Torren away, thereby giving both him and the kid a time out from the shopping. Teyla could then do her girl shopping by herself and not worry about Torren.

The bags now condensed into one, John followed Torren along the ties display to the cufflinks. Torren was clearly flaking out; he was rubbing his eyes and he looked slightly pale as he always did when he was tired. When he stumbled slightly, John picked him up again.

"Come on, Buddy, just need to put up with this a little bit longer. Then you can have a go on the plane and we'll head back to the hotel," John suggested in an upbeat tone, as he began wandering with Torren though aisles, just looking at everything idly, taking his time and wondering how much time he should give Teyla for her shopping.

"Big bwed," Torren muttered.

"Yes, you can have a nap in the big hotel bed," John agreed. "Look at this shirt, what colour's the shirt, Torren?"

"BOO!" Torren exclaimed happily as he pointed down at the shirt John had picked up.

"Blue," John sounded out the word correctly.

"Boo," Torren echoed.

"No, B-loo," John sounded out.

"Bue," Torren muttered with less conviction.

"Blue," John repeated absently as he picked up another shirt. He was so used to the military ordering clothes for him that he wasn't used to picking out the right size in particular stores any more.

"Boo," Torren said again, quietly this time as he fingered the shirt John held up. John wondered if he really needed to try the shirt on first. He wasn't sure he could stand being in another changing room today.

"John?" A familiar, yet unexpected, voice called from behind him.

John turned round to see a woman walking towards him. Her smile was bright in her beautiful face, and it was almost as if the years dropped away for a moment. He had only been thinking about her half an hour ago.

"Nancy?" He said out loud, shocked to see her and slightly flustered at her sudden appearance.

"I thought that was you," she said as she turned the corner of the shirt display and stopped in front of him.

"Yes, it's me," he replied smiling, fighting back the awkwardness.

She smiled up at him, clearly very pleased to see him. "How are you?"

"I'm good," John replied. "And you?"

"Very well, thank you," she replied, polite and approachable as she always was. The very image of practised ease and polite society. He had always felt especially awkward and out of place beside her, even when he had been all dressed up properly, having let her choose the right outfit for him for an official function. Dad had loved her style and sense of decorum. The thought of Dad, brought with it the sudden flush of regret and conflicting grief as it always did since his death.

"So, what're you doing in New York?" He asked quickly, working to control the conversation.

Her eyes had been on Torren, questions on her lips, but she was distracted by his question.

"I've been visiting my sister," she replied.

"Emma, right," John cut in, pleased he could remember that. "How's she doing?" He asked carefully. He hadn't had much contact with his former sister-in-law, but it had been enough that Emma had made her opinion clear that he wasn't going to be the best husband for her sister. She had been right, he guessed.

"She's doing well. Her and Danny have split up though," she added.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," John struggled out, the subject of failed marriages hardly being the best right now. He also felt a little flush of glee that Emma hadn't been so right about her own choice of husband it seemed, and then he felt bad for wishing that on anyone.

Nancy's eyes broke from his and she smiled up at Torren perched against John's shoulder. "And who is this?" She asked Torren as she reached up to him.

The new subject matter broke through the heavily layered subjects of shared history, failed relationships and all the horrible memories threatening to parade through John's thoughts. There had been good things about his time with Nancy, but they would always be overridden by how badly it had all ended, and how he hadn't been what she had needed.

Torren, however, was a subject apart from that, someone untouched by any of those difficult emotions and history. John smiled at Torren.

"This," he replied as he bounced Torren in his arm, making the boy grin, "is Torren. Torren, this is Nancy," John told him.

"Hello, Torren," Nancy replied as she shook one of his little hands. Torren smiled back, but seemed hit by shyness now and didn't say anything.

"He's a bit tired," John told her, always happy talking about Torren. "He's been shopping all day, haven't you, Torren?"

Torren nodded and leant more heavily against John, his hand tightening at the back of John's shirt.

"I hope you've bought lots of nice things," Nancy told Torren, who considered that before nodding his answer.

"Lots of clothes and some special blue boots too," John added.

"Bloo shoos," Torren replied quietly.

Nancy chuckled at that. "He's adorable," she said, her gaze sliding from Torren to John and back. He knew what she was thinking before she asked it. "Is he…?"

John lifted Torren a little higher in his arm, and felt a squeeze in his chest in response to her unfinished question. "No, he's not mine, officially speaking," he added, suddenly needing her to know more. "His mom and I are staying in the city for a long weekend," he explained and this time he met Nancy's questioning gaze more directly.

"Oh, I see, that must be a lovely break for you both," Nancy replied and John felt just a little bit pleased to see her surprise.

He didn't want her to be jealous, there was no need, but he felt a rush of pleasure to know that he had someone now. For so many years, he had been the one alone and thought by everyone to be unable to handle a relationship. That he had been the one to let Nancy down, that she had been perfect and he had been the useless one. No doubt Emma, and the rest of Nancy's family, all had a certain opinion of him, but now he knew different. He didn't believe their opinion any more, because he had Teyla and she wanted him in turn. The old doubts and issues didn't mean anything anymore. He was older and happier now.

"Yeah, it's nice to get away from things," he told her, honestly meaning it. Despite the heavy crowds and the ever-present pressure of the The List, it _was_ great to be away with Teyla and Torren. He had forgotten that simple fact today. "It's been a bit crazy shopping today though."

"Yes, it's certainly busy today," Nancy replied. "Does Torren's mom work with you?" She asked. It was basic conversational question, but John sensed her curiosity.

"Yes, she's a civilian contractor working alongside the military," John answered. "We've worked together for years," he added.

Torren had lost interest in the new person and was apparently giving in to his tiredness, for he was leaning right in against John's shoulder. John adjusted Torren lower in his arm, and Torren wrapped one arm around him and rested his cheek against John's shoulder.

Nancy's smiled altered, her eyes softening as she looked at Torren and up at John again. John realised he was rocking Torren slightly, easing him into relaxing.

"You make a good dad, John," Nancy told him.

There was some surprise in there still, but he knew she honestly meant what she said, and that fact held a whole wealth of meaning. The issue of kids had been another one that had stood squarely between them, and he had known that her family had doubted he would ever be a father, or at least a good one. He had actually agreed with them back then, but now, after so much time looking after Torren, he had found himself easily sinking into the role. He had always enjoyed taking care of Torren. He had been a staple part of Torren's life from the beginning, and once things had become serious between him and Teyla, he had willingly accepted the possible role of stepfather.

He looked down at Torren, noticing anew how natural and at ease he and Torren were with each other, even after a long stressful day. Things really were different for him from the days of Nancy. John was a different man now, but he had always known that Nancy hadn't been the right choice for him. He had thought he could become the husband she had wanted and that his family and hers expected of him, but the truth had been that he hadn't been right for that life. That fact had haunted him, perhaps even until today, but now he knew that it wasn't that he hadn't been right - it had been the situation that hadn't been right. He hadn't let people down so much as himself. He had pretended to be something he wasn't, hoping to morph into the 'right' version of him through being her husband and living that life. Now, he knew that wasn't him. He wanted a woman who loved him simply for who he was, and he had that now.

He felt a weight lift off him in that moment, a ghost of the past drifting away and he felt lighter for it. He held Torren a little bit closer, allowing himself to really enjoy the connection. He looked back at Nancy and smiled honestly at her.

"He's a great kid," he replied simply.

Nancy smiled up at him, and reached out to touch him arm. "It was really good to see you, John."

The gentle warmth of her hand on his arm felt comfortable, because things really had changed.

"It was good to see you too, Nancy," he replied with an honest smile. "If you want, you can meet Teyla," he suggested angling away slightly to glance around the store around them. He felt the return of the normal excitement he felt whenever he was about to meet up with Teyla, the frustrations and grumpiness of earlier now forgotten.

"No, I've got to hurry," Nancy replied, her hand dropping from his arm. "I just came in to buy a tie for Dad, Grant's dad," she added lifting a small store bag she had been holding.

"A tie, huh?" John asked as he swung his body gently, keeping up the soothing movement for Torren.

"Yes, it's his birthday, but Grant didn't remember to buy anything," she added, frowning slightly at the end of the sentence, as if realising who she was talking to about that. This time, John didn't mind.

"You should see the list Teyla wrote for today. I honestly think she's bought most of New York for friends," he told her with a smile.

"You shopping?" Nancy replied with an exaggerated shocked expression. "I was rarely able to drag you out to buy anything."

"I wasn't that bad," John argued.

"Please, I had to buy almost all our furniture by myself, you were always too 'busy'," Nancy replied. It held an echo of old arguments, but he knew she was teasing now rather than complaining.

John considered that as he rocked the now sleeping Torren. "I guess things really do change after all," he replied.

Nancy nodded as her eyes slid to Torren and back. "Yes, it seems that they do."

John felt some awkwardness return, but he dropped his awareness to Torren's warmth to distract himself.

"So, I should be going," Nancy stated. "Got to get this to Dad," she added as she lifted her purchased tie again. "Give my love to Dave when you next speak to him."

"I will," John replied, glad that the conversation was running down, but he also felt a faint sadness to the situation. They had both tried at their marriage, but ultimately he knew it had failed long before it had really started. They had both made mistakes, but he would always care for her. Knowing now that he had his own important life, and a woman he loved and who really did seem to love him as he was, he felt more capable of feeling some of his regret regarding Nancy.

"It really was good to see you again," he told her honestly.

"And you too, John," she replied and stepped forward.

He leant forward to meet her hug, and they shared a slightly strained but well-meaning hug around Torren. They stepped back and John smiled at her, remembering the last time he had hugged her – at Dad's funeral. It had been nice that she had been there, and she had helped him out afterwards with the Replicator problem. She was a good woman, but they just hadn't been right for each other.

"Say hi to Grant for me," John said, meaning it as a peace offering, but also as a slight tease.

As she turned to move away, she gave him a knowing smile. "Goodbye, John. And say goodbye to Torren for me when he wakes up."

"I will," John replied as he watched her turn and walk away. She looked back over her shoulder once and he smiled at her before she disappeared into the sea of coats and humanity of the men's department.

0000

The changing space was quite small in this store, and Teyla banged her elbow on one wall twice as she pulled on the fitted dress. It was a beautiful turquoise knee-length dress, which was not her usual style, but it had appealed to her. So, she had picked it up along with the armful of tops and sweaters she had gathered to try on. She had rushed through trying on the tops, though had decided on two that she liked, and one of the sweaters.

The dress on, she twisted to pull up the small zipper at her side to close it. As she worked, she caught a glimpse of her hurried appearance in the mirror. She had been rushing, not wanting to keep John and Torren waiting, as well as the impatient line of shoppers queued outside the changing rooms. The zipper secured, she finally turned to face the mirror full on as she smoothed down the lines of the dress. It fitted her rather well she felt, and was not so unlike her normal style as she had first thought. She turned one way and then another, considering the dress from several angles, as she wondered whether she should spend her money on it. She would not wear it all that much, but then it would be nice to have a proper dress from Earth. She stood directly in front of the mirror and blew a lock of hair from her face as she pretended she had not already decided to buy the dress.

She glanced at her face, at her flushed cheeks and messy hair. She reached up and pulled her hair clips free, and made herself take the time to tidy it. She was feeling tired and hungry after this long stressful day. She needed to hurry though, for she did not want to keep John waiting. She suspected he was ready to leave once they had left this store and she couldn't help feel the same. She hoped that he was not growing too bored and impatient, and that he would remain in good humour this evening. She was looking forward to their last night in New York, and had high hopes that Torren would sleep well after his tiring day. They all would after today, she mused.

She turned again in front of the mirror and found her thoughts turning to her people. She missed the simple methods of buying cloth and making clothes, of purchasing completed clothes simply without such struggle as today had held. She found her thoughts dwelling on memories of sitting with Halling and others, and the grief of their absence welled up inside her. The longer Atlantis remained on Earth, the less likely it was becoming that she would ever see her people again. She kept her faith that she would, and prayed for their safety each day, but still doubts and worries lingered in her heart.

Perhaps it was that she was tired, that she felt the strain with John today, and that Torren had been difficult, but she felt unable to push aside those fearful grieving thoughts of her people. She longed to see them all, to return to the life she had lived in Pegasus, living in Atlantis, but still seeing her people, and working on their behalf. Being on Earth, she was doing nothing for them.

She turned and sat down on the tiny ledge that was a bench in the tiny cubicle. She should be hurrying out to find John and Torren, and free this small space for another shopper, but she just needed a moment.

She wrestled with her feelings, reminding herself that she would see her people again. That she was doing good for them by promoting the needs of Pegasus to those on Earth. She was still an Athosian, even living so far from her people. She would teach Torren what it meant to be Athosian, even if he never saw his people again. She had to be strong and have faith. She smoothed her hands over the alien designed dress and closed her eyes to it.

She was tired that was all.

Beyond the walls of the cubicle, she could hear the bustle and noise of the store outside the changing rooms. She could hear pieces of conversations of the shoppers queued outside and in the small corridor on the other side of the thin cubicle wall. She heard a woman's bare feet pacing down towards the mirror at the far end of the corridor.

"I'm not sure if it looks right," the woman's voice said worriedly, her accent new to Teyla. It was heavy and musical.

"You look wonderful, buy it," said another, her friend who had been discussing other pieces of clothing with her.

"Do you think it will look right with the others?"

"Of course, you look fabulous, he will just die when he sees you," the friend replied, chuckling at the idea.

Teyla smiled at the conversation and opened her eyes, turning to look down at the small open space below the curtain of her cubicle. The woman paced back past, her feet a deep dark colour. She paused and turned back to the mirror.

"You're sure?" She asked her friend. "You don't think it's too much?"

"Too much? What are you talking about?" The friend replied scornfully. "You look stunning."

Teyla smiled at the playful friendship. Ronon and Rodney, along with Jennifer and Carson had all decided to go on the other option of long weekend, to the city of Las Vegas instead. It was a place of bright neon lights and gambling as far as she understood. It was a city that was full of excitement and the tempting promise of a fortune to be made. She had not minded coming to New York instead, and had enjoyed that she and John had been alone here with Torren. Today had been stressful, but it was also an insight into the life of those from this city. In fact, from what she had seen in almost all the towns and cities she had visited so far on this world, Earth was a very busy place. There was much in the way of technology and utilities available to almost everyone in this country, but there was also a high pace to life. She suspected she understood why John had enjoyed his former station in the quiet isolation of Antarctica. This was an enjoyable place to visit, but she would welcome the peace and home of Atlantis tomorrow.

Drawing on that fact, she stood up from the bench and quickly set about removing herself from the pretty dress. She gathered all her choices together, separate from those she would not purchase, pushed aside the curtain and stepped out into the small corridor. At the far end, she handed over that which she did not want to the rather worn looking attendant and then headed out, squeezing past those queuing and back out into the busy store.

She paused and orientated herself to where she would be able to purchase her choices. The cashier queues located, she headed through the displays. She altered her course slightly towards the cashier desk closest to the men's department, in hopes that she may be able to see John and let him know that she was almost finished. As she moved along the pathway at the edge of the men's selection of clothing, she ran her eye over the jackets and trousers. She judged each of them by whether they would suit John, and then the occasional item that she thought was more Rodney or Carson's style. There was nothing here that Ronon would choose to wear though.

She glanced up and around, looking high over the displays, since John's height and hair made it easier to spot him in the distance. She spied him towards the far corner, with Torren lying against his shoulder. Then she noticed that John was smiling down at someone, a woman. Teyla slowed her steps, surprised at the quite expressive smile on John's face. She moved her gaze to the woman, to see an equally open smile, one clearly appreciative of John. She was a beautiful woman and Teyla watched her reach out and touch John's arm. He didn't seem to react to the contact, so Teyla guessed this surely must be a woman he knew.

A strong rush of feeling pushed through her and she stopped before a display of thick warm jackets, and watched this unknown woman smile at John. The woman's hand remained on his arm for several more beats before it dropped away. Teyla knew she should look away, for she trusted John entirely, but she was struck by the way the woman looked at John. There was a strong familiarity between them, but Teyla was too far away to see any more detail or hear what was being said. She switched her attention to John, and watched as he swayed with Torren, who was clearly falling asleep on John's shoulder. The ease John displayed with Torren always warmed her heart, but right now, she was especially glad that her son was there. Through Torren, Teyla felt in some strange way that her presence was also there between John and the other woman. For a moment, she contemplated approaching them. It would not be wrong to do so. If this was some past colleague or friend of his, or more likely someone closer than that, perhaps it would be best for Teyla to be there. She trusted John, but she did not trust unknown women around him.

John shifted and looked around the displays and Teyla sensed that he was looking for her; however, she did not draw his attention. She stayed still, allowing him to remain with this other woman, watching what was likely nothing, yet which still clawed at her heart. It seemed that today her emotions were close to the surface and her feelings conflicted. It would be best for her to just move on to the cashiers and leave John to

catch up with his old 'friend'. She had to trust him.

Quickly Teyla turned away and continued towards the cashier desk, but she looked back twice towards John. When she arrived at the end of the queue, her heart beating a little too fast, she looked round again and saw that the mystery woman was moving away from him. Feeling rather pleased to see the woman's departure, Teyla focused on arranging her chosen garments on her arm and readying the small purse she carried. The queue was overly long, as seemed standard today, and she took a calming breath and reminded herself to remain patient.

She looked over her shoulder back towards the men's department and saw that John had spied her and was heading her way. Torren was draped over his shoulder. What she noticed the most though, was John's smile. It was the first proper smile she had seen from him since this morning. It appeared that his normal mood had returned, though she had to wonder what had happened to instigate that. Had it been that other woman? Teyla wondered if he would mention her.

It took him a few minutes to reach her, and he made his way along the queue of people to reach her side.

"Hey," he greeted her as usual, "you find what you need?"eHHaHheyH

Teyla held up her armful of clothes. "Mostly," she replied. "Did you find anything?"

"Just this," he held up a blue shirt. "Torren helped me pick it out," he added with a grin.

Teyla smiled with him and reached for the shirt. "Put it in with mine, it will save you queuing separately." She laid the lovely coloured shirt over her arm, smoothing one hand down over it. It would suit John very well, she thought.

"And, I had a run in with the ex-wife," John added with an exaggerated wince.

Relief rushed through her, though she tried to hide it. "Nancy?" She asked.

"Yeah, she was here buying a tie," he added as he adjusted the sleeping Torren slightly.

She reached out and helped by folding one of Torren's arms up against his side. She ran her hand over her son's chubby little cheek.

"I did see you speaking with a woman, I didn't realise she was Nancy," she told him honestly.

"You should have come over and saved me," John replied, his eyes sparkling with his usual playfulness. Yes, clearly his former grumpy mood had passed.

"You looked safe enough from where I stood," Teyla replied.

"Watching were you?" John teased. "Making sure another woman wasn't going to steal your man, huh?" He asked as he swayed with Torren.

"I was simply concerned that Torren might need me," Teyla replied, playing along.

John grinned before he looked down at Torren who was drooling on his shoulder. "She thought Torren was my son at first," John told her.

Teyla dropped her gaze to her son, sleeping so contentedly in John's arms. John may not be his genetic father, but he was a father to Torren. "Understandably," she replied simply as she smiled softly up at John.

John smiled back, clearly pleased with that and what went unsaid. He swayed Torren away, turning away from her slightly, as usual somewhat uncomfortable with strong emotion. She smiled at them once more before moving a few steps forward with the queue. John kept pace with her, and they waited in silence for a few minutes.

"Sorry I've not been the best company today," John said suddenly, his voice low.

She looked round at him. "I believe all three of us have felt somewhat stressed today," she replied.

John nodded and they lapsed into silence again. She glanced at him, sensing that actually there was something more that he wanted to say. She knew that the best way to handle John in such situations was either to push him to tell her or to wait for him to say something. She chose to wait today.

She stepped forward another few paces, the queue still long, but she was considerably closer now. Soon she would pay and they could finally leave the mall and get back to their hotel room. She was so looking forward to stretching out on the large soft bed again and watching a movie on the television, with John and Torren beside her.

"You didn't mind not going with the others to Vegas?" John asked her.

Surprised by the subject she pulled her imaging away from the promise of the relaxing evening ahead. "No," she replied. "I have always wanted to visit New York."

John nodded, but she could see that he had more to say. He swayed Torren back and forth again, and as he did, he moved slightly closer to her.

"There's kind of a reason why I didn't want to go to Vegas for the weekend," he told her.

For a moment, Teyla feared that it had something to do with Nancy. Perhaps he had known she might be in this city and had wanted to meet up with her. Teyla immediately put that paranoid thought aside. It was foolish.

"What reason?" She asked.

He swayed again, but his eyes remained on her. Whatever his answer was going to be, it was difficult for him to say. She waited, drawn in by his eyes and always so by the promise of insight into him.

"I kind of had a bit of a gambling problem," he told her quietly. "Years ago."

She was honestly surprised by his confession. She had never seen any sign of such a problem in him before, other than the usual small scale gambling that went on from time to time in Atlantis.

"It was before I was assigned to Antarctica," he explained. "After I came back from…" he left the rest of the sentence empty, for his expression told her the rest.

It must have been following his return from Afghanistan, when those in charge had decided whether he was to be punished for his decision to go back into enemy territory to save three men left behind. His choice had not saved any lives and perhaps had cost those he had hoped to save. She knew he felt the weight of those lost lives, and it had taken a while for him to tell her about what had happened. She had understood his decision and suspected that she would have done the same in his place. However, she also knew that his choice had resulted in his imprisonment in enemy territory and subsequent torture there. He had finally been freed weeks later, only to return to the questions over his choice to return into enemy territory. It had not been a good time in his life, and his already crumbling marriage had fallen apart at that time. He had been very low and had all but admitted to her that he had been depressed, and that he had nearly resigned from the Airforce.

"It was a difficult time for you," she told him, making sure he understood that she knew the context of that time for him.

"I was given a month's leave, and I ended up in Vegas with a buddy of mine. He left after a week, but I stayed on. Got kind of into the slots and the cards…" He explained as they stepped forward another pace. "I was real close to just forgetting the Airforce, maybe stay in Vegas…"

"But you did leave Vegas," She pointed out. "And I think it is very wise of you to decide to stay away from that city still if it may tempt you, and especially if you prefer not to be reminded of that past time."

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to end up that way again."

She smiled gently at him. "I know that you would not. Besides, I would be there to make sure that you behaved yourself." She was pleased with the equal amounts of support and teasing she had managed to put into her tone.

He lifted an interested eyebrow at her words before he smiled. "Yes, you would."

She reached across her armful of clothes to touch his arm, and she stretched up to press a quick kiss to his lips. It struck her that due to their difficult day, they had only shared one kiss today, which had been first thing this morning. She was not one to share affection so openly in public, but then, they were unknown here, and in sharing a simple kiss with him, she mended any hurt grumpy feelings from the day. She also communicated that she held nothing against him, not from his past and not from any perceived weaknesses that he felt he had.

He smiled at her as she leant back away from him, but closer than before.

"I suggest that once I have purchased these, that we head back to our hotel room and watch a movie on the television," she told him. "We can all stretch out on the soft bed, relax, and enjoy the rest of the evening together."

"That sounds perfect to me," John agreed with a full sparkling smile.

0000000  
>THE END<p> 


End file.
